Domine and I love podcasts. We both listen to about six combined but the one we both can’t seem to get enough of is Black Girl Podcast. I was listening to episode 14 at work the other day and per usual the girls had a discussion that resonated. What caught my attention was a side conversation that wasn’t even the focal point of the episode.
(Disclaimer: this is not an anti-man posts, I love men especially chocolate ones!)
As women, unfortunately, we have all experienced uncomfortable interactions with men. Scottie Beam and the other Black Girl Podcasts hosts talk about how frequently they are approached by men and how it comes off disrespectful more often than not. And I completely relate. When did being aggressive to gain one’s attention become such a norm? I know chivalry isn’t dead but what happened that caused a switch in how people approach one another. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen women approach men in ways that clearly show that they have no sense, but for me, I am commonly approached in ways that don’t sit well with me. It’s crazy when I try to remember a decent interaction with a man and I immediately remember all the bad ones more vividly compared to the kind and decent encounters. I’m not saying men are bad and I’m definitely not saying Black men are but I’m saying sometimes men come off way too strong or aggressive. And this has got to change or I’m taking Janelle Monet’s advice (keeping men out of my life until they get it together) pronto.
Anyone who knows me understands how much I despise being touched, hugged and more. Why is it that men in public places feel as if they have to touch or grab your arm or lower waist to gain your attention. Are you incapable of starting a conversation with “Hello” or do you just feel as though I HAVE to engage in conversation with you because you want me to?
You want to talk to me, that’s fine, but don’t reach, rub, caress, poke or any other synonym for physical contact being used to get my attention. In the words of Scottie Beam “There are different shades of corny” and you are some kind of corny if you can’t understand that every encounter with a woman does not need to include a hip grope or lower back caress.
But of course, you have to be mindful about the way you react to these things. You have to be careful how you react because you don’t know what you will receive in return. It’s almost as if our generation can’t take rejection at all. We read stories of people doing the absolute most because someone said no, and to add insult to injury we often read about men shooting, stabbing, or physically harming a woman because she didn’t take to well to his approach. My favorite response is being insulted for kindly declining an advance. This has happened to me way more than I can count. You can’t even kindly decline or else you’ll be insulted even after being complimented for trying to go about your day. It’s honestly one of the main reasons I’d much rather stay home than go to a club or lounge. You walk in and its almost as if you involuntarily placed a sign on your forehead saying “Whether I’m Single Or Not, Please Come Holla At Me! Persistence Is Key!” I hate pretending to be on my phone in public places but it seems like the only defense mechanism that works.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind being approached respectfully at all. I’m shy as ever but if you have common sense and can interact with me without being a donkey’s bottom we can mix and mingle. If I am too far for you to simply say Hi or “Excuse me, can we talk?”, please don’t cat call me. I’m not your shorty, mommy and refrain from calling me things like “Thick one” or “Big Booty”! Catcalling is a no-no in all aspects but there are ways men can gain a woman’s attention in a kind way. For example, A man suggesting that you have a nice day and adding ‘beautiful’ or ‘Queen’ at the end, it’s kind of corny but it has good intent so I don’t mind. What’s also nice is declining an advance from a man and they simply telling you to have a nice day anyways, its great!
Oh but don’t let me forget the perverted aggressive men. If you know a man like this, get him some help. I remember going to a music festival with my grandmother a few years back and being approached by the same man like twice in the day. First, he came up to me and asked my name and if I wanted a drink, I declined. Time went on and it was time to go and I hear “Damn. You got a fat ass.” turn around and tells the same man who could have easily been my father’s age. It was gross. My grandmother who is a little bitty thing turned around and yelled that I was only 17 thinking that would set him back, it didn’t. There are so many anecdotes I could give but you get the point. Fellas get it together.
Too all my good men and men with common sense please help ya boys out. Let them know there are certain ways to approach a lady, no matter what she is wearing or how she looks, being aggressive and rude ain’t the move.
PS: If you ever want to listen to BGP heres the link to the latest episode!